At an event this evening, Apple announced brand new MacBook Pro models powered by the company's new M3 processor.
"But the real story here is the glue," enthused Apple CEO Tim Cook. "With up to 40% more glue than the previous generation MacBook Pro's, this is our most glued together laptop ever!"
According to Apple's Vice President of Hardware Engineering, John Ternus, the glue in the new M3 MacBook Pro is "sourced from Bio-Diverse, Carbon Neutral, Artisanal glue farms" and is "completely covering absolutely every chip."
"When we designed the glue in the M3 MacBook Pro, we had one goal," continued Ternus. "To keep Louis Rossmann's grubby little fingers from messing around in our laptops. We absolutely love how glued together all of the parts are. We think you will too."