In 1986, Apple Computer Incorporated unleashed "The Apple Collection" upon the world.
It wasn't a new computer. Nor, for the most part, anything even vaguely computer-related.
It was clothes. And vehicles. And fashion accessories. Even a few bottles of wine. Apple, essentially, launched an order-by-mail, high-fashion department store.
Seriously.
This was a very real thing that happened the year after Steve Jobs was ousted from the company he co-founded. Needless to say, this endeavor did not prove to be a success.
Below, I have painstakingly collected my favorite items from the very first (and very last) catalogue of "The Apple Collection", released for the "1986 - 1987" shopping season. Including the actual descriptions given to each item by Apple.
Enjoy.
The Original Apple Watch
Seriously. You could have had an Apple Watch for $35. With quarts movement and everything.
The Apple T-Shirt
That is one seriously 1980s logo!
The Apple Mouse Cover
Yep. A mouse cover. For your mouse. Get it?
He's... a "mousterpiece". I kinda liked when Apple was cracking Dad Jokes like that.
The Apple Sailboard
I'm not sure if I despise this... or desperately want one.
The Apple Hat
Ok. I'll admit it. There was a time when I would have worn one of these.
The Apple Paperclip
Right about now, you're thinking this is a joke, right? But it's not. It's real.
That is a 3 dollar paperclip. With an Apple on it.
To be clear: This is not a box of paperclips. This is one paper clip.
The Apple Disk Box
One of the few things in The Apple Collection that has to do with computers! And, you know what? I want one! A walnut 3.5" floppy box? Yes, please!
The Apple... Big Sweater
I. Um. Yup. That's a big sweater.
The Apple Calculator
Go ahead. Check the price on this incredibly simple calculator. That's right. 80 bucks.
But, hey! 8 digit display!
The Apple Scooter
Wait. Apple sold a Honda scooter?
Yes. Yes, they did. Though there wasn't very much "Apple-y" about it. Just a custom license plate frame. Still. They sold it. Unfortunately they never provided a picture of the license plate frame.
The Apple Wooden Puzzle
You know. Like for little kids. This one actually I kinda like.
The Apple Toy Truck
Somehow Apple managed to resist making any "Mac Truck" jokes for this one.
Though... this isn't based on a "Mack Truck" design. It's more like an early 1980s Freightliner (similar to what the original design of Optimus Prime used in the Transformers).
Just the same... cool toy.
The Apple Wine
Yep. Apple wine and wine glasses.
The Apple Polo
I love this picture.
So much.
The Apple Money Clip
We close out this journey into The Apple Collection with the Apple Money Clip.
Because... it just feels fitting, somehow.
Now, tell the truth. Looking back over this list of items... you kinda want a few of these, don't you?
Especially the mouse cover.
That thing was a mousterpiece.
