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The Best of 1986's "The Apple Collection"
Fashion, Booze, Toys, & Vehicles. Seriously.
Bryan Lunduke
July 21, 2023
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In 1986, Apple Computer Incorporated unleashed "The Apple Collection" upon the world.

It wasn't a new computer.  Nor, for the most part, anything even vaguely computer-related.

It was clothes.  And vehicles.  And fashion accessories.  Even a few bottles of wine.  Apple, essentially, launched an order-by-mail, high-fashion department store.

Seriously.

This was a very real thing that happened the year after Steve Jobs was ousted from the company he co-founded.  Needless to say, this endeavor did not prove to be a success.

Below, I have painstakingly collected my favorite items from the very first (and very last) catalogue of "The Apple Collection", released for the "1986 - 1987" shopping season.  Including the actual descriptions given to each item by Apple.

Enjoy.

The Original Apple Watch

Take a dive.  The Apple watch is water-resistant to 100 feet.  Comes with quartz movement and a 90-day warranty.  Apple Watch, $35.

Seriously.  You could have had an Apple Watch for $35.  With quarts movement and everything.

The Apple T-Shirt

Apple cotton T-shirts feature the Apple name on the front, the Apple logo on the back.  Available in kids' sizes, too.  Adult T-shirts (S-XL), $7.50.  Kids' T-shirts (4T,S-L), $6.50.

That is one seriously 1980s logo!

The Apple Mouse Cover

This fuzzy gray creature is the only way to make your Macintosh even more user friendly.  He's a mousterpiece.  Mouse Cover.  $5.95.

Yep.  A mouse cover.  For your mouse.  Get it?

He's... a "mousterpiece".  I kinda liked when Apple was cracking Dad Jokes like that.

The Apple Sailboard

The Apple Sailboard.  $1,100.

I'm not sure if I despise this... or desperately want one.

The Apple Hat

Show whose team you're on with our corduroy baseball cap with adjustable band and embroidered logo.  Corduroy Baseball Cap.  $9.50.

Ok.  I'll admit it.  There was a time when I would have worn one of these.

The Apple Paperclip

Just the thing to keep those little phone message slips in one place.  Paper Clip.  $3.

Right about now, you're thinking this is a joke, right?  But it's not.  It's real.

That is a 3 dollar paperclip.  With an Apple on it.

To be clear: This is not a box of paperclips.  This is one paper clip.

The Apple Disk Box

An elegant place to store your 3.5" disks, and it holds 100 of them.  Walnut Disk Box, $24.

One of the few things in The Apple Collection that has to do with computers!  And, you know what?  I want one!  A walnut 3.5" floppy box?  Yes, please!

The Apple... Big Sweater

After a rough day windsurfing, the Apple sweatshirt is just the thing.  Letter Sweatshirt, $15.

I.  Um.  Yup.  That's a big sweater.

The Apple Calculator

This finely designed Braun calculator has an eight-digit display and four-key memory storage.  Battery operated, it coms with a protective travel case.  Braun Calculator.  $80

Go ahead.  Check the price on this incredibly simple calculator.  That's right.  80 bucks.

But, hey!  8 digit display!

The Apple Scooter

It's not a car.  It's not a motorcycle.  It's a totally new form of personal transportation.  Honda's Helix scooter has push-button starting and automatic transmission.  And from Apple, an Apple license plate frame.  Helix Scooter, $2,598.

Wait.  Apple sold a Honda scooter?

Yes.  Yes, they did.  Though there wasn't very much "Apple-y" about it.  Just a custom license plate frame.  Still.  They sold it.  Unfortunately they never provided a picture of the license plate frame.

The Apple Wooden Puzzle

Put all the colorful pieces of this hardwood puzzle togther and what do you get?  Perfect for children of all ages.  Nontoic finish.  Apple Puzzle.  $12.

You know.  Like for little kids.  This one actually I kinda like.

The Apple Toy Truck

The truck the future comes in.  It runs just as well on big kids' desks as on little kids' floors.  Truck.  $29.

Somehow Apple managed to resist making any "Mac Truck" jokes for this one.

Though... this isn't based on a "Mack Truck" design.  It's more like an early 1980s Freightliner (similar to what the original design of Optimus Prime used in the Transformers).

Just the same... cool toy.

The Apple Wine

Ridge Zinfandel Glen Ellen 1980 and Cabernet Sauvignon 1981 from Napa County, California, both com with an Apple gold seal.  Toast a very fine year in Apple-design crystal wine glasses.  Set of Ridge Zinfandel and Cabernet, $25.  Set of two Wine Glasses, $12.

Yep.  Apple wine and wine glasses.

The Apple Polo

These heavyweight 100% brushed cotton polo shirts are perfect for the courts or the club.  Polo Shirt, $32.

I love this picture.

So much.

The Apple Money Clip

Put a piece of Tiffany in his pockeet.  Our sterling silver Tiffany money clip is ngraved with the Apple logo.  Tiffany Money Clip.  $35.

We close out this journey into The Apple Collection with the Apple Money Clip.

Because... it just feels fitting, somehow.

Now, tell the truth.  Looking back over this list of items... you kinda want a few of these, don't you?

Especially the mouse cover.

That thing was a mousterpiece.

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Send any amount of BTC to the following address:

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And to all of you new Lunduke Journal subscribers: Welcome to the last bastion of truly independent, Big-Tech-Free, ad-free, non-Woke Tech Journalism.

-Lunduke

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